


Keep The Dirt Still In My Grave, My Heart It Wonders Here

by Miss_Fallen



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, He Gets a Hug, Hurt/Comfort, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, he misses everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-17 06:14:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28720266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Fallen/pseuds/Miss_Fallen
Summary: Steve's perfect recall memory isn't all it's cracked up to be. And now he has a new team.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Keep The Dirt Still In My Grave, My Heart It Wonders Here

Steve woke up shouting. It wasn’t anything new, and neither was the dream waking him up. It’s an old dream, one that has haunted him for what feels like ages even though it’s only been a year and a half. But it’s fine, he’s fine. The clock may read 4:28 A.M. but that doesn’t mean he can’t get up and pretend everything’s normal.

So that’s what he does. He does his best to erase the recurring dream from his mind (as if it could ever leave with his perfect recall memory) by running. He runs and runs and runs. He’s lapped a fair portion of Manhattan by the time seven rolls around. He’s still not breathing that hard and there’s not a lot of sweat either. Sometimes he misses his small body. At least that one could tire more easily.

Nobody’s awake in the tower yet. Or if they are they haven’t made their way to the common kitchen. So he takes it upon himself to make breakfast, food sure to lure them out. He knows spending too much time alone without physical activity sends him into spirals he can’t always get himself out of. He knows it’s called PTSD and having mental problems aren’t demonized anymore, but it doesn’t feel right. He’s still too new, even as he learns how to operate everything around him and blend in as if he really is 27 and not 90-something. At least his dark sense of humor fits the times. Dadaism and fatalism seemed to have looped back around.

He’s almost burnt the bacon in his mini spiral and it’s only his keen sense of smell that warns him to pull it off the pan. The bacon is safe if a little crispy. He’s sure some of the others like it that way anyway. He flips pancakes and scrambled eggs too, trying hard to keep his mind occupied enough to not spiral even a little bit. It works and he’s successfully cooked enough food for everyone by the time they start filing in. He even has coffee ready.

Breakfast is silent for the most part. It isn’t until Tony stumbles in that things start getting rowdy. Tony and Clint start arguing about how the best way to have coffee is while Natasha eggs them on. Bruce is silently suffering as he slowly stuffs food into his mouth. Pepper is the most put together and thanks Steve for the food before leaving for work. Thor’s just scarfing down everything in sight and Steve’s thankful, it means his smaller than usual meal goes unnoticed. He knows he literally needs to eat at least twice that of a normal person, especially after a long run, but he just can’t think of eating that much without feeling nauseous. 

“What about you Capsicle? What do you think?”

Steve looks up, “What?”

Tony scoffs, “Come on, keep up old-timer. Best way to have coffee.”

“You’re asking the guy who grew up during the Depression and then world war two what the best way to have coffee is?”

“Did you even have coffee? Of course you did, you have to have a preference!” Clint gestures.

Steve is far too mentally tired to do this, “However I get it.”

Natasha, as if she can sense his mood, quickly directs the boys onto something else. Thor also noticed and is giving Steve a look Steve doesn’t want to think about.

Sadly, Tony circles back around to Steve eventually.

“And what were you doing running around Manhattan for two and a half hours? You were up at 4:30 this morning.” When Steve doesn’t answer, Tony keeps going, “What, too good for us? Don’t think we can keep you entertained. Too much energy?”

Tony keeps prattling on, ignoring Bruce and Natasha’s attempts to switch his attention. Thor seems ready to stop Tony himself when Steve finally snaps.

“I was awake because I just finished watching my best friend fall to his death in high definition. Again”

It stops everything in its tracks and Steve is gone before anyone can stop him.

“Nice job Tony.” Bruce mutters into his plate.

Tony doesn’t say anything but does look contrite like he regrets pushing so hard.

They find him in the gym, putting a reinforced bag through its paces. It’s supposed to be able to put up with the Hulk, but Steve is close to pulverizing it and breaking it open. Wisely, nobody says anything. Thor does, however, get closer until he can gently put a hand on Steve’s shoulder.

“There is not a single being alive who should have to carry that burden alone. Allow us to help carry some of it.”

Steve throws one last punch, it has no power behind it and he slumps. They’ve never seen him like this, though Thor seems unsurprised. He is centuries older than them, he has more experience than any of them. They don’t mean to, but it’s hard to remember that he didn’t live through the last 68 or so years. He was frozen for all of it and when he came out, everything had changed, everyone except Peggy Carter died. Under two years had passed for him since then, not 68.

“The serum gives me perfect recall after one glance. I remember every tiny detail of that war.”

“Shit.” Clint swears. That tidbit had completely escaped their minds.

“Rogers...” Even Natasha has no idea what to say to him. No joke or witty comment comes to her mind. Or Tony’s either.

“That is a heavy burden to bear for all the good it can do, Steven. Please, allow yourself a break. You cannot always be strong. Share the burden. We are not the team, the brothers, you once had, we cannot replace them. We can, however, be your new team, your new family, if you allow us.” Thor pulls Steve closer to him, using his bulk as physical support for Steve who hasn’t stopped the gradual process of falling apart under the care of another. Thor almost makes him feel small again like he can just fit under his chin and within his arms. It’s-it’s nice.

It’s something he missed. Dum Dum was the last person who could get close to that feeling.

Dum Dum, Frenchie, Jones, Monty, Jim, Bucky. He misses them. He misses all of them. Howard, Phillips, Erskine. God, they’re all gone and he’s still _here_. It’s not _fair_.

His legs give and Thor gently lowers them to the floor. Clint and Bruce are the first to his side, Clint a solid weight against one side and Bruce the other. Natasha sits herself on his lap and Tony rests a hand on his shoulder.

They aren’t his old team, they aren’t. They are his new team though, and maybe that’ll be enough in time.

Later, when Shield turns out to be Hydra in disguise and Bucky is alive, they remember the morning they became a Team. They remember and bring Bucky back to himself. Sam is brought into the fold and they become even stronger for the struggles.

Wanda and Pietro and Peter are taken under their wings and they save the world again.

The accords are a mess given to them to make a decision on three days until they’re to be put on the floor. The only reason it doesn’t tear them apart is that they remember Steve’s perfect recall that Bucky also has. They are very much against them. Steve, in full Captain America regalia, stands before politicians and royals and outlines how much of the Geneva Convention this document breaks. He even adds what these would let certain people do to people like Steve and how he would likely get turned into a lab rat in hopes of recreating the serum. The accords are dashed and with it Zemo’s plan to split them apart. The other Winter Soldiers are dead now.

They help Thor resettle what’s left of his people after Ragnarok. They give him the support he gave Steve all those years ago.

They weren’t always a Team, but it hardly matters now. Now they’re family. Steve hasn’t felt this happy in a while. He might wish the Howlies, Peggy, and the others were here to see it, but he knows they’re watching. He knows they’re happy he’s found peace. Even if he is a stubborn punk that refuses to run away from a fight.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to draw more attention to his perfect recall memory and what better way than emotional trauma! :D  
> Anyway, I feel like this gets glossed over a lot of it isn't for strategy reasons and even then a lot of people forget about it. I have an obsession with Steve Rogers and my favorite thing to do with characters I'm obsessed with is looking for tiny details people forget and using them in fics as the main focus.


End file.
